


Forgive me father, for I have sinned

by idontlikebreadcrusts



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Priest Kakashi, Sinner Sasuke, idk man i just started writting and ended up with this trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 15:14:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19275916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idontlikebreadcrusts/pseuds/idontlikebreadcrusts
Summary: Perhaps he was being rash. Probably out of his mind, a fool in the grand scheme of things. He smiled to himself. Years ago he convinced himself he was not worthy of being loved, so he shut his heart out as God took away all the people in his life who ever loved him.Or a fic in which a priest named Kakashi finds love in an odd place and has a hard time accepting it.TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of addiction and abuse.





	Forgive me father, for I have sinned

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I'm alive. No this is not a new chapter of Shitshow. Idk, I'm off on a tangent right now. But here's this kakasasu oneshot instead. 
> 
> I figure if anything someone will at least appreciate my attempt to add variety to this ship. Briefly implied Naruto/Sasuke hooking up at one part if you look in the right place, but don't blink or else you'll miss it. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not mean any offense to people of the Roman Catholic faith. Yes, I myself was raised Catholic, No I no longer consider myself Catholic but I still do respect others beliefs. This is just a story that popped into my head and I went with it. Please don't yell at me over a stupid work of trashy fan fiction.

**_I._ ** **_Sac·ra·ment of Rec·on·cil·i·a·tion_ **

_noun:_ **_sacrament of reconciliation_ **

_1._ __(chiefly in the Roman Catholic Church) the practice of private confession of sins to a priest and the receiving of absolution._ _

 

Confessional. The only place where Kakashi felt his priestly duties usually became an absolute waste of time. Forgive me father, for I have, blah, blah, blah. He wasn’t interested in hearing the petty transgressions of teenagers nor the adult’s pious attempts to sweep their follies under the rug. Honesty was rare, even amidst a holy and confidential sacrament. The only part of this entire job that he enjoyed was giving counsel, yet nobody ever came because they really wanted help. Nobody wanted advice or encouragement or they needed someone to talk to when times got rough. They came because they were told to and never thought to question why, or because it made them feel better and gave them an excuse to continue being shitty. They came because they were afraid of eternal damnation and wanted to save their own skin but make absolutely zero legitimate attempts at actually becoming a decent human being in the long run. It was their fallback, their shortcut, their easy way out.

 

But who was Kakashi to talk? He was no better than them. He hardly believed in the things most priests should believe in anyway and here he was, a farce to the church but his mask kept tightly in place.

 

“Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been many years since my last confession.”

 

His ears perked up at the slight tremble in the new voice that spoke from the other side of the screen. Something genuine caught in the hesitation that filled the space.

 

“The Lord is a merciful God, he always welcomes his children back to him.” Whether that was true or not Kakashi didn’t know, but it seemed like the best thing that could be said at the time.

 

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

 

The sound of the door open and close signified the end of that conversation.

_______________________________

 

Sunday Mass was always a more of a nuisance than a joy. Most of the time Father Kakashi felt like he was talking to a wall. He could explain the religious viewpoints on the meaning of life, and God’s love and other biblical lessons that were applicable to modern life until the day he died but more often than not it fell on deaf ears and cold hearts. Sitting in the pews out of obligation, willing the time to pass faster, counting their ‘good deed’ for the week so they can hide behind it. Really though, who was he to judge. He was just as fake as them.

 

Being a priest was not something Kakashi would have ever chosen if he could have helped it. He never considered himself to be all that close to God in the first place. Yet from the time he was a child until adulthood he found he was greatly indebted to the church, a slave to the very people who took him in. In many ways this was Kakashi’s form of paying them back for all they had done. His penance for his disbelief and disregard of the very teachings he grumbled through up at the altar week after week. Yet there always was a small inkling of hope that someone sitting in the holy house of the Lord that day would find some comfort from his half hearted words. Always a prayer, whether God was really listening or not, that someone far better off than him, living an honest life would gain something from his ramblings.

 

He stood by the main door after service as per usual, watching the congregation all but run out of the building. Some stopped and shook his hand, asking for a blessing or just giving a polite greeting on their way by. A few of the more saintly members stood around talking about an upcoming prayer circle they would be having a little too loudly. A particular older lady talked over several others, waving around her rosary with enthusiasm. Kakashi rolled his eyes at the sight of her and moved to stand further outside, away from annoying sounds of their gibbering.

 

“Father”

 

A familiar woman with short pink hair called to him. He shook her hand dutifully and smiled. It felt plastic but was the best he could offer at this time.  

 

“Sakura, happy to see you.” Not an entire lie. She wasn’t perfect but she, like most, was trying to fight her struggles as best she could.

 

“That was a wonderful mass today.” She nodded absently as she spoke

 

He wondered if it was an empty pleasantry on her behalf. Not many people new what to say to him outside of a confessional booth or a prayer request. “Ah, I’m glad you liked it.”

 

“Oh! I’d like you to meet my husband. I actually managed to drag him here today.” She happily waved over at someone behind the priest and motioned for them to approach. “He’s going through a bit of a rough patch so I thought maybe some godly counsel might help. I’m not sure if maybe just being here made him even more irritated though.”

 

Kakashi let out a small laugh at the comment. Well, she wouldn't be the first person who avidly tried to bring their spouse to a church service every week in hopes of fixing their marriage. She has been stuck in quite the rough patch herself if Kakashi had anything to say about it. More than likely her husband was just as frustrated with her as he was with himself, but really that wasn’t Kakashi’s place to meddle.

 

“Hello,” A cold greeting and and even colder hand found its way into Kakashi’s.

 

The older man stared for a moment, something familiar in that voice. Then he realized he should probably respond, as standing there drooling over someone’s husband was largely frowned upon by the roman catholic church. “Glad you were able to make it today.”

 

The man simply grunted in response and remained silent while the woman took over the conversation and introduced them properly. Thankfully it was all short lived as Sasuke’s cell phone rang and he abruptly walked away to answer it.

 

“Well, hopefully he’ll start coming regularly with me.” Her voice took a slight inflection of annoyance.

 

“All in good timing, Sakura. Sometimes you can’t rush or force people to seek out the same form of hope you find comfort in.” A lesson most people had great difficulty in learning.

 

“Don’t you mean, all in God’s timing?”

 

It went right over her head apparently. “Well, they are the same thing, aren't they?”

 

She snorted at the comparison, “Right. See you Saturday, Father.”

 

Saturday, confessional day. She had just come to confess yesterday, it was not good. She was relapsing into her addiction again. Already planning on drinking herself too stupid to function this week and most likely do something she’d definitely regret.

 

He sighed to himself. Saturday it is then.

_______________________________________________________

  
**_II. Mor·tal Sin_**

 _noun:_ **_mortal sin_ **

_1._ __A sin (such as murder) that is deliberately committed and is of such serious consequence according to Thomist theology that it deprives the soul of sanctifying grace._ _

 

 The idea of commiting a sin so bad it was in a whole other category was somewhat ridiculous to Kakashi. People were imperfect, that much he agreed with. Why make them feel even more guilty of their fuck ups by giving certain things a heavier title? Then there were certain sins that Kakashi felt shouldn’t even be considered sins in the first place. Yet here he was on a Saturday, listening to a young woman cry her heart out because she held hands with another girl in her university and has begun to develop feelings for her.

 

“Father, I don’t know what's wrong with me. I know it’s bad, my parents talk about it all the time when they see it on the news but I just can’t stop feeling this way. They ask me why I never have a boyfriend and I try but I’m so uncomfortable with boys. It just doesn't feel right, but I can't be honest with them and ask them for help because I don’t want them to send me away. I’m going to just end up being miserable no matter what!”

 

He was sure her makeup was ruined by the amount of sobbing she was doing. “Can we break formalities for a moment here?”

 

The abrupt question caused silence for a moment.

 

“U-um, sure?”

 

He grabbed the box of tissues from the shelf and came out from behind the screen to hand them to her. “Here, let’s have a seat.” He pointed to the padded kneeler and waited for her to turn around and get comfortable so he could sit next to her.

 

“I, uh, I don’t think confessions are supposed to go this way, Father.” She sniffled into a tissue.

 

“Oh? Would you rather I go back behind the screen, tell you to do five Hail Mary’s, ten Our Fathers, walk around the sanctuary on your knees for penance and be done with it then?” He mused as she stared at his proposition with wide eyes.

 

“N-no, not really.”

 

He sighed lightly, “Look, I’m still under sworn secrecy regardless of the screen or not, I won’t out you or anything like that. I just think what you need right now isn’t a bunch or prayers or acts of penance. You need someone to be honest with you and give you real advice.”

 

“That would be nice actually. I don’t have anyone I can trust to talk to about this.” She fiddled with the napkin in her hand repeatedly.

 

“First of all, there is nothing wrong with you. You are a kind and wonderful young lady who loves her family very much. God made you exactly the way you were meant to be, so by saying something is wrong with you, are you saying God has made a mistake?”

 

She shook her head abruptly as if that was the most absurd thing she’d ever heard, “No! I’m the one who’s in the wrong, I just don't know how to stop it.”

 

He raised a silver brow out of curiosity, “So if the pope declared being born with blonde hair a sin, would that also somehow become a mistake you are making?” He pointed at the massive bun piled on top of her head.

 

“I mean I can dye it but my hair will still grow this color. That wouldn’t be fair, I was born with this hair. I didn’t decide my hair color.”

 

She was having a bit of a hard time following, “Right, so why do you think the fact that you were born this way is somehow wrong?”

 

She paused for a moment in thought, “I guess because I was always told it was wrong.”

 

“Well that would also not be your fault, you were raised and conditioned into a certain way of thinking. Look, what I’m trying to say is, God didn’t create you to be miserable and deny you joy in life.” May as well get straight to the point, analogies were not working.

 

She looked up at him in disbelief, her parents must have been the hell fire and brimstone type.

 

“Ok, how about this. Do you know what makes a sin, a sin?”

 

She opened her mouth to respond.

 

“Aside from, because the bible or the church says so..”

 

She shut it and shook her head.

 

Yeah, most people never got that far in their theological reasoning with why they believe the things they believe. “The way I see it, sins are things that hinder us in some way. They either hurt us, hurt others or hurt our faith because they are things we do out of anger or fear whether we do it intentionally or not. Now I ask you, what is it about loving this woman that makes you think it falls into the same category as a sin?”

 

Her brows furrowed in concentration, “I guess it doesn't?”

 

“Mmhmm. Now I wouldn't bolt out of here and tell your parents to shove it, how you decide to deal with that is up to you. You are an adult now, you have your right to keep your business private if you so chose. You also have every right to be happy and make your own life decisions. Do everything you possibly can out of love and don't be afraid to make mistakes. That is how you grow as a person. Realize how you can be better and work to correct it but don’t give up on happiness because you are afraid of what others may think or what your parents will say. You are perfect the way you were meant to be.”

 

She began crying again.

 

Shit, maybe he should have kept his mouth shut.

 

“Thank you, Father.” She pulled him into a hug and sobbed all over his shirt.

 

Well, maybe it was the right thing to say after all. “If it’s worth anything to you, you have my blessing as a priest to go out and be happy with this woman, as long as your actions are kind and out of love.”

 

“Can I come back to talk to you like this again if I need to?” She got up and wiped at her face the best she could.

 

“As long as you don’t tell anyone I breached the privacy screen during a confessional.” He smiled lightly at her before returning to his proper place behind the partition. “I’ll be here if you need support.”

 

She exited with another small expression of gratitude. He checked his watch, one more hour to go. The door closed as someone else stepped into the room.

 

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been one week since my last confession.”

 

He was wondering if she would show up this weekend and here she was, like clockwork. “The Lord is merciful and gracious to us all. What is it you have been struggling with?” He wondered if she ever got tired of hearing him ask her that? He preferred that approach to confessions however. It seemed a lot more humble than the typical, ‘tell me of your sins’.

 

“I’ve been drinking heavily again this week… and getting sort of violent at home.”

 

That was expected. Well, the violence was new but the alcoholism had been something she was struggling with for a long time now. She had been doing well for a while but, things must have gotten tense in her life for her to relapse like that.

 

“I- I also cheated on my husband. I have been for some time. Pretty much since we got married”

 

The sound of his mental brakes screeching was about the only thing Kakashi could hear for a solid five seconds. Don’t judge, don’t judge, don’t judge. “I believe we’ve talked about you getting help.” Quiet bathed in shame filled the space between them. He figured she wasn’t avidly seeking out counsel from the addiction groups like he advised. “Is your husband aware of the infidelity?”

 

“No, he is hardly home. He works a lot so he comes in late. Usually I’m passed out by that time but this week was a lot more difficult than usual. I’m having trouble sleeping so I’m just drinking and he’s always in a bad mood. We fight pretty regularly but it’s just gotten worse. We’ve been fighting almost every night for weeks until yesterday when he didn’t come home at all.”

 

“You said you started getting violent at home?” Things were escalating, if she didn’t do something soon it very well would destroy her life entirely.

 

She hesitated to admit it, “I- Yeah. I mean, normally I just throw stuff around but our last fight, he just really aggravated me and I guess I lost control. I think that’s why he didn't come home yesterday. “

 

“Sakura, is he ok?”

 

Silence.

 

“Sakura?” The last thing he needed was for her to confess she ended up killing her husband.

 

“I don’t know. The only person I can think of that he’d go to is his brother but I can’t call that man. He would kill me. I don’t know what else to do Father. I need help, but I need to know that Sasuke is ok.” It was obvious by the trembling in her voice, she was beginning to panic.

Kakashi inhaled deeply. Yeah this was a whole new level of shit. “Ok, how about we do this. Leave me the contact information for your husband and I will check on him just to make sure he’s ok. I won’t say anything about you. Meanwhile, all the prayers and penance in the world won't help you if you don’t make an effort. I highly advise you to visit with the AA support group and get yourself a sponsor, Sakura. You might also want to check in with a counselor for anger management.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

“And about this infidelity. Can I be honest with you?” He was going to be honest with her whether she wanted to hear it or not.

 

“Sure, why the hell not.” The sound of a defeated woman who new she was going to be dragged for her fuck up.

 

“If you really aren’t happy with your husband why are you both still suffering together?”

 

More silence.

 

It was astounding how many couples just end up miserable because they figure divorce isn’t even an option religion wise.

 

“You are avidly seeking out companionship with others and you’ve been in a position in your marriage where things are tense since the time you married five years ago. It’s very clear to me that you are unhappy and five years is a long time to let that all pile up. I’m all for trying to fix relationships and mend marriages but there are a few occasions where I think the couple would be better off with some time apart and possibly consider separating for the benefit of both individuals. Outbursts of violence is one of those occasions.”

 

She began to sob.

 

He didn't really feel bad about making her cry. She needed to realize the gravity of the situation. “I’m not trying to make you feel judged, but you need to understand, what’s going on with you is serious. I’m just giving you another viewpoint. Ultimately what you decide is up to you but regardless of the fact, you need to get help Sakura. You are putting your husband at risk with this behavior and only hurting your relationship and yourself by staying as you are.”

 

“I know, Father.” She gasped out between her tears. “I’ll get help, I promise.”

 

_______________________________________________________

 

“Mr. Uchiha?”

 

 _“Yes. Who is this?”_ The voice was short and impatient.

 

Somehow it managed to send a shiver down the priest. “This is Father Kakashi Hatake, from Our Lady of Konoha church. I just wanted to reach out to you and thank you for visiting our parish a few weeks ago.”

 

_“Do you seriously make it a point to call everyone who attends just to say thank you?”_

 

“Well, I try to at least.”

 

_“I never gave the church my contact information. How did you get this number?”_

 

Sharp man.

 

“You know, if this is a bad time I can call back later.”

 

_“Has my wife come to see you then?”_

 

“Seriously, if this isn’t a good time I can try again later on.”

 

_“How is she doing?”_

 

Ah, yes. Good old mental brakes at it again.

 

“I’m not sure I know how to answer that question.” He finally admitted after a few seconds of realizing he didn’t know how to respond.

 

There was a muted swear on the other end of the line. _“Why did you really call?”_

 

The jig was up. “Just to make sure you are breathing.”

 

The man grumbled, _“I wish I wasn’t”_ before ending the call.

 

Well at least he wasn’t dead.

_______________________________________________________

 

**_III._ _Pen·ance_**

_noun:_ **_penance_ **

_1\. voluntary self-punishment inflicted as an outward expression of repentance for having done wrong._

_2\. "he had_ **_done_ ** _public_ **_penance for_ ** _those hasty words"_

_3\. a Christian sacrament in which a member of the Church confesses sins to a priest and is given absolution._

_verb:_ **_penance_ **

_1\. impose a penance on._

_2\. "a hair shirt to penance him for his folly in offending"_

  
  
_“Father Hatake.”_

 

“Yes?” He groggily answered and peeked at the clock on his bedside table reading four thirty am.

 

_“Sasuke Uchiha”_

 

“Ah, Mr. Uchiha. How can I assist you at this perfectly fine hour?” He couldn't help but let the sarcasm practically drip through the phone.

 

_“Have you heard from my wife recently?”_

 

And now he was wide awake. “To be honest she’s been absent from Sunday service for a couple of weeks now. I’ve tried various times to contact her to check in but she hangs up on me or sends my calls to voicemail. I figured she just wanted some personal space and would come back whenever she was ready. Is something wrong?”

 

_“I can’t find her. She’s never been gone this long and she left her phone at home.”_

 

He sighed deeply, “Where have you looked?”

 

_“I contacted her friends, her parents, her work. They haven't seen her in a week. I’m not sure where else she would go.”_

 

“Have you tried the bars downtown?” He obviously didn’t know his wife all that well.

 

_“Thank you.”_

 

Kakashi lay in bed staring at the ceiling. He had a lingering feeling in his gut that things would only get worse for them from here on out. He also foresaw he was somehow going to be involved in it. And here he thought being a celibate would mean he didn’t have to deal with relationship issues or marital drama. No such luck.

 

The phone rang again after an hour.

 

“Did you find her?”

 

_“Go fuck yourself.”_

 

The other line abruptly hung up.

 

Well alright then.

 

_______________________________________________________

 

Kakashi was ready for death. He needed an aspirin or a shot of vodka. Maybe a small swig of the communion wine? Anything to dull the pounding torturing his head. One more hour, he was almost done.

 

“Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been many years since my last confession.”

 

Oh, that voice from a while ago. The one who bailed out before confessing anything. He knew that voice, it was so familiar yet somehow unable to be placed.

 

“The Lord is a merciful God, he always welcomes his children back to him.” He repeated what he had said months back.

 

“Does he? Even if I angrily told a priest to fuck off?”

 

He couldn't help but let out a laugh. Of course. “Actually, you told a priest to go fuck himself. You might have to pray a few extra rosaries for that one.”

 

“Aren’t you not supposed to swear? It seems a little unorthodox to hear that word come out of your mouth.”

 

“Ah yes, I forgot the eleventh commandment, don’t say fuck. My seminary schooling has failed me.”

 

The sound of the man laughing through the separation made him smile. He forgot how fun it was to engage in witty, sarcastic banter. Most people were far too sensitive or serious for him to engage with them this way. His smile faltered then as he remembered, being a slave to the church was indeed a lonely life. “How can I help you today? I doubt you’ve come just to exchange wisecracks with me.”

 

“I’m not here for a confession but I do apologize for waking you up at four in the morning.”

 

“Yet no apology for cursing at a man of God?”

 

“I mean, you don’t seem all that bothered by it,” the voice quipped back.

 

He shrugged before realizing the younger man could not see him, “You're not the first person to angrily tell me to go fuck myself. Trust me, I’ve heard worse.”

 

The quiet overtook the room once more. Something about confined spaces and a semi anonymous voice made it easier to come to terms with heavy matters that plagued ones heart.

 

“How’d you know? I spent hours looking for her all over town and you’re able to guess where she's at in less than a minute.”

 

He must have cared for his wife to some extent then, “You asked me if I knew where an alcoholic would be at four am. I made a logical guess. That’s all.”

 

“I know my wife turns to the church to help her cope with her issues. I don’t have a problem with that, however I don't think this is going to help her anymore. Her problem has gotten out of hand and I don’t know how long I can last either.”

 

The drinking was tearing them apart then. That is if they were all that close to begin with. “You came in months ago to confessional didn't you?”

 

“Hn.”

 

“Why did you feel you couldn’t confess what was on your mind that day?”

 

It seemed Sasuke wasn't expecting that question.

 

He finally spoke after a few minutes, “I guess I realized, perhaps I didn’t want forgiveness. Or more, I didn't need the forgiveness of a stranger behind a screen. You weren’t the person I wronged. I would have just done it to make myself feel better without actually resolving anything.”

 

Kakashi wanted to hug him. Finally a person who actually got it. “Most people jump at the chance to put on a spiritual band aid and just cover up their problems.”

 

“And that’s why I gave up on religion a long time ago, too many fake people seeking out self righteousness just to cover up their own faults.” He all but scoffed in response.

 

“You're not particularly fond of religion are you?” Not like Sasuke seemed the type.

 

“I’m not. I grew up in the church as a kid. But, growing up made me see it for what it really was. I wasn’t very interested in being a part of it.”

 

Same. Only difference was Kakashi really wasn’t left with much of a choice when he was younger and now, he was way too deep into it to make an abrupt career change. “Well, my dutiful priestly training would like to urge you to come back to the fold of God but the real me says you’re not wrong. I understand why you stay away.”

 

“The real you?”

 

The priest would be a fool and a liar if he didn’t include himself into the mix. “You said the church was full of fake people, I said you’re not wrong. That statement includes myself.”

 

“So you don't really believe in God or any of this crap then?”

 

This was really the first time he was able to talk about this. No one had asked him what he really believed in before. He never had the chance to openly express it without reprimand.

 

“I believe in God, I believe in the lesson of love he wants us all to learn but my views on what the Catholic church dictates is right or wrong or how people should go about it are a little skewed by their terms.” He thought about that for a moment, “Ok, a lot skewed.”

 

“So if I told you that day I was going to confess that I found out my wife has been cheating on me and I slept with my best friend and his wife out of anger, what would your response be?”

 

Ah, another mental brake check. Those were always fun. “What can I tell you that you don't already know yourself? I’m not the person you intended to hurt by those actions, neither is God. I’m not the one who you should be trying to make amends with.”

 

“Interesting.”

 

“I will ask you this however, just something to think about. If you really aren’t happy with your wife why are you both still suffering together?” He wondered if the response would be any different from Sakura’s.

 

It started to seem like silence was having an avid part in the conversation here.

 

“I’ve been thinking about getting a divorce, even before I found out she’s been unfaithful. I know I don’t love her, I never have. I just married out of convenience and to get my parents off my case. I do care about her though and I know if I bring it up it will just be another reason for her to drink. She doesn't need that right now so I haven't told her I know about her affair, or about my cheating or wanting to separate. I’m not sure how to go about this without her flying off the handle.”

 

“Flying off the handle?” Those worse raised a huge red flag.

 

One, two, three, four, five seconds before a clarification, “Getting violent.”

 

Well, shit. That meant there were already multiple occasions of outbursts. “You agree this isn't an actual confession right?”

 

“What? I guess, yeah. I just wanted advice.”

 

Father Hatake peeked his head out from the screen between them. The younger man was wearing dark sunglasses in attempt to hide the rather nasty forming black eye and sporting a fat split lip. His shirt collar was flipped up in an attempt to hide the bruises around his jaw and neck.

 

Oh my. This was way past his level of priestly help.

 

“She’s a good person, she’s just stuck in a bad place right now.”

 

“That may be so but this has officially turned into a physically abusive relationship. You do realize that don’t you?” This was a tough spot for them. There was only so much he could do as a priest and it seemed that at this point Sakura needed real professional help above what he could offer.

 

Sasuke pointedly looked away. Yeah, he obviously realized it.

 

“Alright. I know someone who works at a very good rehab center. I’ll give her a call and let her know you’ll be contacting her about your wife. I do recommend seeing if you can speak to her family and friends, maybe get them together and try to encourage Sakura to go to rehab and get help for this.”

 

“You mean an intervention?” He looked like it might have been some outlandish suggestion.

 

“Well in short, yes.”

 

Even with the sunglasses Kakashi could tell the man had just rolled his eyes, “I feel like that's a little dramatic.”

 

“Have you looked in a mirror today? We are past the point of small support groups and low key therapy. The only other way she’s going to stop drinking if she doesn't seek help herself, is by getting arrested for domestic abuse and sobering up in jail.” If she didn’t end up accidentally giving herself alcohol poisoning first.

 

“Point taken. Fine, I’ll work on it.”

 

“You should also prepare yourself for the worse case scenario.” May as well cover all the possible outcomes.

 

“Which is?”

 

He wondered how far back these two went if this man was so willing to overlook all of this and hesitate to take action, “She says no. In which case I highly advise against you living together and I even advise against staying in the relationship at the expense of your own safety.”

 

“I avoid going home when I can. I can defend myself but I’ll do what I have too if she won’t accept help.” He didn't seem to like that possible reality of facing her head on and breaking it off. Kakashi didn’t really blame him. Addicts could get very hard to reason with.

 

“You have a place to stay if you need to?”

 

“If worse comes to it, yeah.”

 

“Good.” Kakashi leaned back behind the wooden screen and rubbed at his eyes. His headache was turning into a migraine. “I know you aren’t religious but if you ever just need to talk to someone I’ll be here. Please let me know how she’s doing and if she needs any support.”

 

“Hn”

 

That was the last thing he heard before the sound of Sasuke shutting the door behind him on the way out.

 

_______________________________________________________

  


Tsunade was a firm woman, scary at her best and a downright terrifying demon from hell at her worst. He knew that she would pick up when he called, he never called unless someone really needed help.

 

_“Guy is doing fine if that’s why you’re calling.”_

 

That’s not why he was calling. She knew that’s not why he was calling but it was better than saying, ‘What kind of fucked up addict to you have for me this time?’ Still, it was good to know the man was fitting in well at the center helping those who were once like him find their way to sobriety through physical activity.

 

“Is he now? He always says as much but it’s nice to hear it from someone else.” He followed with the pretext knowing she’d get to the point soon enough.

 

“ _Enthusiastic as always but at least we know its not the coke. He relates easily with the patients and the outdoor activity coordinator position suits him well. His fashion choices are still horrendous though but as long as he’s staying clean I guess I can cut him some slack.”_

 

“How generous of you.”

 

 _“Yeah, yeah. Alright enough small talk. We both know the real reason you called me.”_ Her tone was cross.

 

“Longtime alcoholic who has recently begun to get violent at home. Her husband is concerned for her. She never got help from AA or counselors as I have advised so I don’t know how her reaction to the suggestion of rehab will go but I’m hoping she will be agreeable to the idea of it.”

 

 _“Ouch, hitting close to home aren't we?”_ Tsunade had been an abusive drunk in the past, she wouldn’t be able to say no.

 

“All the better for you to be able to help her.”

 

She deliberated for a minute, the sound of her heavy sigh breaking the quiet, _”Fine. Once she’s admitted I’ll do everything I can to help her out.”_

 

_______________________________________________________

 

“A little surprised to see you sitting through mass today.”

 

It had been a week since he last saw the man, the black eye was now a yellowish hue and the scabbing of his busted lip wasn’t as swollen as before.

 

“Yes, well Sakura agreed to admit herself to rehab. She wanted to attend service first however since she’d be in there for a while.” The raven haired man stood by the entrance of the building as people continued to filter out of the church.

 

She had come to confession the day before, he was aware she was finally accepting help. “I’m glad to hear it.”

 

“Thank you for putting us in contact with the director of the facility.”

 

“Of course. It’s a good place managed by good people. She’ll do just fine there.”

 

Sasuke simply nodded.

 

He peeked in and spotted the woman in the alcove off to the side, kneeling in prayer after lighting a small candle for the Holy Mother. The epitome of strength and grace, so many prayed to her for guidance. The nuns that raised him when he was a boy were always muttering her prayer or looking to her for answers. He saw the challenges they faced and the resistance they fought in their own churches and against their brothers in faith. He wondered how many women so compelled by their beliefs struggled to remain strong in a religion that was so rooted in misogyny.

 

“How are you holding up?” He turned back to the Uchiha beside him.

 

“Okay, I guess. Staying with my brother this past week has helped lessen the fighting between us so she’s not as stressed out. Her parents have been a big help in encouraging her too.”

 

“Hmm, yes. I believe however I asked about you not her.”

 

The sigh that followed was tired, “I’ve been…. hanging in there. My brother is not the type of person I would chose to stay with if I could help it but he’s been leaving me alone for the most part this week, which is unusual for him.”

 

“Family can be hard but I’m glad you have some to help support you through this.” Kakashi offered.

 

“He’s only unbearable because he wants to be. He likes pushing my buttons on purpose, but he knows when to stop. Probably why he is giving me space right now and not hounding me like normal.”  There was no bite to the complaints given.

 

“He sounds like he cares.” Seems to Kakashi that Sasuke cares a lot too.

 

“Hn.”

 

They were silent for a while as they waited for Sakura to finish up her prayers.

 

“How am I supposed to deal with this now?” It was just above a whisper, a question not really meant for anyone to hear.

 

“One step at a time. There is no shortcut to healing yourself and making amends.” Sound priestly advice.

 

“You sound like a fortune cookie.” A small laugh escaped at the absurd comment.

 

The older man gave a soft chuckle, “Hey, some of my best sermons come from magic eight balls and mood rings. Fortune cookie wisdom is a little too pretentious for a basic old man like me.”

 

“Sasuke? I haven't seen you smile like that in years.” The statement broke the spell and wiped the look right of the Uchiha’s face.

 

Sasuke just shrugged at his wife in response and wandered away from them, further outside.

 

“He’s always so moody. I’m glad he seems to be getting along with you. He has this thing where he always tries to drive people away, his brother in particular is very annoyed by it.” Sakura mused as she watched her husband glare at his phone in the shade of a large oak tree.

 

“We all have our unhealthy coping methods for trying to protect ourselves from hurting.”

 

She rolled her eyes at the priest next to her, “ I know, I know. I shouldn’t be one to talk. It’s just that I’m going to be gone for a while and maybe I’m hoping he’ll get the help he needs too.”

 

“So do I.”

 

______________________________________________________

 

Saturdays confessionals turned into the highlight of Kakashi’s week at some point, ever since he gained a new regular so to speak but he’d never admit that was the reason he looked forward to his weekend now. Sure it may have been unorthodox to allow Sasuke to take that time from someone who actually wanted to make a confession but for some reason Kakashi didn’t really care to stop him from coming just to talk.The first week apparently sounded like hell. Sasuke said the phone call from the director was gruff, short and obviously temperamental. Kakashi knew the routine but Tsunade assured him anyways, adjustment week is always the worse. It would get better by the time she was allowed family weekend visits.

 

The next few weeks proved to be better, and the visits were productive at the least. “I’m glad to hear you two have been able to hold a serious conversation without much trouble now. That's a great improvement.”

 

“Hn”

 

“You don’t sound so excited.”

 

Hesitation could be heard loud as a bell, “I’m concerned she will regain hope in our relationship.”

 

“Well, perhaps that is something you should bring up. It may be a good time to begin to talk about what you and her both really want. She will have support to help her handle whatever is decided better than if she weren’t in rehab.”

 

For some reason that was funny to the younger man, “What I want is unattainable.”

 

“I find that hard to believe, unless it’s illegal. You're ambitious and sharp, achieving goals isn't a problem for you.” Kakashi didn’t understand why Sasuke kept himself from moving forward.

 

“It’s not bad, it’s just something very much out of my reach.”

 

“Are you sure it’s not possible or are you just telling yourself that as an excuse?”

 

“An excuse?” slight offense lingered in the question.

 

“I highly doubt it’s something you can’t have. Sounds more to me like it’s something you’re telling yourself you don't deserve.”

 

“Why do I come talk to you again?” Sasuke was joking, sarcastic and dry but a joke nonetheless.

 

It irritated Kakashi in a way he couldn’t explain even if he tried, “I don’t know Sasuke, why do you?” stunned silence filled the moment. He wasn’t sure what made him continue really. In fact his brain was screaming at him to stop but his mouth kept on running, words just spilling out, slipping past his filter.  “You aren’t religious, this isn't a confession and I hardly think my advice and counsel is all that great that you keep coming back for more. You’re here because you need someone you can keep a safe distance between while you continue to deny yourself genuine connections and happiness. You’ve lived enough of your life complying to what you think your family wants and what others want for you that now you don’t know how to let yourself just be happy.”

 

“Like you’re one to talk! You sit behind that screen pretending to be perfect, you don’t even want to be a priest, yet here you are. Doing the exact same thing I am. Denying yourself what you really want in life.” There was a bite to his voice, but the Uchiha wasn’t wrong.

 

Perhaps that’s why Kakashi was so annoyed with the man, he was doing the very thing Kakashi did to himself. Kakashi hated it, yet he couldn't help but laugh at the irony, “Yes, you're right. That’s probably why it bothers me so much that you are doing it to yourself. You have this way of making me remember what it is to just be me, a small opportunity a few moments a week to just take off the priests mask and be myself.”

 

Sasuke grumbled behind the partition, “If I wanted to hear about all the things I’m doing wrong with my life I’d just go talk with my brother. I’m here because talking things through with you helps me gain a better perspective, makes me less impulsive and judgemental. Makes me feel like I can make an effort to not be such a shitty person most of the time.”

 

That made Kakashi feel like crap, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things so harshly. You aren't a shitty person, just a little unhappy that’s all. We all struggle with that, but I’m an old man with debts to pay in this world. Things for me won’t matter if they change or not, I’ve learned to be content with my lot in life and be good at the job I’ve been given. You’re still young enough, you can chase after the things you want. Don’t let that opportunity pass you by, ok? You deserve to be happy just as much as the next person.”

 

“I’ll think about it.”

________________________________________________________ **___ **

**_IV. Act of Con·tri·tion_**

_noun:_ **_act of contrition_ ** _; plural noun:_ **_acts of contrition_ **

_1\. (in the Roman Catholic Church) a penitential prayer._

_2\. "we said an act of contrition together"_

_3\. something done to make amends for an offense_

 

_“What are you doing?”_

 

“The Lord’s work.” Phone calls from him at work were a little new, but very much pleasant if he had anything to say about it. Which he didn't, at least not out loud.

 

_“I highly doubt sitting in your office playing sudoku on your computer can be called holy work.”_

 

Kakashi paused as he glared at the numbers in the grid on his screen, “You don't know that, I could be in the middle of performing an exorcism.”

 

_“No, you're right. Forgive my assumption.”_

 

“Your sin has been absolved my child. What can I do for you Mr. Uchiha?” he continued on with his game. It had been a relatively busy morning, a break wasn’t killing anybody.

 

_“Well I was wondering if you’d let me treat you to dinner as a thanks for all your help. I hope it doesn't interfere with your obviously busy schedule full of exorcisms and sudoku puzzles.”_

 

Snarky little shit. It put a smile on Kakashi’s face. “I suppose I can put off battling the forces of Satan for a few hours.”

 

“Perfect. I’ll see you at seven.”

 

You’d be surprised how often a priest gets invited to dinner. Well a dinner he actually wants to attend. Normally he’d decline but the Uchiha had a way of making him feel excited. Something about witty banter and how he was unafraid to speak to a priest with brash sarcasm and obvious attitude gave him joy in spending time together. Something about Sasuke not hiding behind a mask. Something about Sasuke just being himself, real. Flaws included. His arrogant, satirical, cold hearted self that came out all the time and all the softer reflections that he carefully showed on selective occasions. Being in the church so long will make you forget just how real people actually function sometimes. He was grateful for the reminder that came in the form of Sasuke.

 

“Sakura is discharged this weekend. Are you excited for that?”

 

“I suppose.”

 

That was pretty much the opposite of enthusiasm, “That doesn’t sound very excited.”

 

The younger man pushed his food around quietly for a moment, “We finally talked about us.”

 

“Ah, I see.” That conversation really could have gone any which way as far as Kakashi could think.

 

“It wasn’t bad. It went really well actually. It’s just going to be a bit of adjusting for us both.”

 

Adjusting? That was cryptic, “Well I am here if either of you need anything.”

 

“Aren’t you curious as to what we talked about?” A smirk settled on the perfect Adonis.

 

“Very” Kakashi couldn’t help feel like he was being toyed with.

 

“Why don't you ask then?”

 

“Priestly habit not to pry too much I guess.”

 

Sasuke glared, almost pouted. That was a new sight for the priest. Definitely one he couldn’t deny. “Ok, it’s killing me inside. I’m too invested in your life to not know what happened. Please tell me.”

 

“Hmmm, maybe I won’t tell you.”

 

Just like Sasuke, he really expected nothing less. He stabbed at lone broccoli on his plate in jest, “So mean.”

 

“We agreed to get a divorce.” The Uchiha practically blurted it out.

 

If Kakashi's eyebrows could raise any further on his face you bet they'd be halfway to heaven by now, “Oh? Not to sound happy at a tough situation but I’m glad for you both.”

 

Laughter sounded so much like relief, and visibly all the tension just rolled off the man, “No, it’s a good thing in the long run. We gave it a lot of thought. She finally told me about her infidelity and I told her I knew and what I did. We just agreed it would be better for both of us to separate. We shouldn’t be hurting ourselves like this repeatedly.”

 

“Sounds like Sakura's therapy really helped you both come to terms with everything.”

 

“Yeah, you could say that.”

 

“Well I’m happy I could be of some help, though really you should be taking Tsunade and her team for dinner instead of me. They did all the work.” At the end of the day Kakashi was just a man behind a screen giving his input. Nothing amazing about that really.

 

Sasuke fixed him with a hard stare, “Father, believe what you want, but I’m telling you that you have helped me more than you could ever know. It’s not easy for me to talk to people, I don't trust others much less value what they have to say. I’m not religious in the least bit but your counsel helps me become a better person. I would go as far to say I consider you a friend. I don’t have very many of those but I trust you that much.”

 

Kakashi didn't have very many of those either. Guy was probably the only one he kept in contact with but even then it wasn’t as easy to talk to him as it was with Sasuke. “I’m glad we feel the same then.”

 

The smile didn’t leave his face for the rest of the night.

 

_______________________________________________________

 

The worst part of his job always hit him in the quiet, in the stillness and silence. No, not God or his little voice. More the lack thereof. An empty house, a soundless evening, a single coffee cup day after day. As a young man he reveled in the loneliness that consumed him since he was a child, since his father left him alone. He accepted his life sentence and took his punishment with pride. Pushing people away and isolating himself with the excuse of godly commitments. Now as he aged, learned to forgive himself, learned to forgive others, loneliness kept feeling like a ten ton weight strapped to his ankles. Some nights he fought it, blasting the television, turning up the radio and diving head first into a good book. Anything to drown out the lack of noise that taunted him. Some nights he just let it drag him under, burrowed in blankets and pillows muttering half prayers, half curses at the Lord above.

 

A buzzing interrupted his staring at the ceiling. “Hello?”

 

_“I can’t sleep.”_

 

“So you decided to call a priest?”

 

The voice was annoyed at the suggestion, _“I decided to call a friend.”_

 

“Indeed you did. I’m glad you called actually, I’m having a rough night myself.” Kakashi blinked in the darkness for a moment before he sat up.

 

 _“Oh, do tell. What types of things do priests struggle with?”_ Always ever curious, or perhaps Sasuke wanted a diversion from his own restlessness.

 

“I thought you called because you wanted to talk about you?”

 

_“I always talk about me. It’s rare that I get to hear about you.”_

 

He wasn’t wrong. When was the last time he openly talked to someone about his own issues? Years, decades even. Sasuke already knew a little bit, but it barely scratched the surface. He had known the man for a little over a year already. Was he ready to be open with him?

 

“I’ve been thinking about my father.” He imagined this must be what other people felt like in confession.

 

_“Oh. Is that good or bad?”_

 

He thought about it, “A bit of both.”

 

_“Hn.”_

 

“I think he was a good man. He was just sad after losing my mother but he tried his best for however long he could hold out for.”

 

 _“He passed away when you were younger?”_ Sasuke never had any problems picking up on underlying meanings.

 

“Suicide, I was eight.” It felt like ashes in his mouth as he spoke those words. No matter how healed he was that admission always held weight for him.

 

_“Oh, I’m sorry.”_

 

“What are you apologizing for? It’s long since past and done its damage.”

 

 _“I’m trying to be empathetic but you are making it hard for me.”_ Empathy was still a relatively new thing for Sasuke, good to hear he has been working on it at least.

 

“Maybe I don’t need empathy.”

 

Sasuke paused for a moment, _“No, probably not. But it does sound like it bothers you still. Do you want to talk about it?”_

 

That was a question. In all honesty he wanted to do nothing of the sort, but he knew better. Keeping things in only made it worse. He talked to Sasuke rather regularly now, maybe it was time to trust him.

 

“It’s not a very complicated story, just makes me kind of melancholy from time to time.” From time to time really meant nearly every damn day recently for some reason, but Kakashi didn’t mention that.

 

_“Humor me. I want to hear about you, even if it’s a little sad.”_

 

He gave a noncommittal laugh, “Alright. Well after my father passed I had no other relatives so I went to the local orphanage run by the church. Basically a bunch of nuns raising a handful of kids. It wasn’t so bad, sometimes kids would get adopted. Sometimes they wouldn't. I began getting trained by the church when I was about seventeen, and was sort of expected of me to repay their hospitality and kindness for raising me by becoming a priest. I didn’t fight it, at the time I thought it was my life's act of contrition. Making amends for all the wrongs I had done. By the time I was a young adult I was convinced that this life was my penance and refused to see anything else. Now as an old man I see how stupid I was and how manipulative the church can be. It is what it is and now I am making the best of it.”

 

_“Wrongs you had done?”_

 

He wondered how long it had been since he last talked about this one too? _“_ I was fifteen. My boyfriend, our best friend and I snuck out one night to go swimming in the lake. I accidentally knocked our friend off the dock, she hit her head and passed out. Obito dove in to save her but he panicked and it was deep. They both ended up drowning because I froze. It took me a long time to let that guilt go.”

 

 _“I didn’t mean to open old wounds.”_ That one really did sound sympathetic.

 

“No it’s fine. Like I said, it took awhile but I finally made my peace with it. Just wish it would have been sooner but being a priest isn’t so bad. Besides if I hadn’t become a priest I might not have ever met you and been able to help you out. In turn you never would have reminded me of what it is to just be myself.”

 

_“Your rational optimism amazes me sometimes.”_

 

It’s a curse, trying to look on the bright side with reason, “Now that I’ve spilled my life story care to tell me what’s keeping you up tonight?”

 

_“Oh, I was just thinking. Remember a year ago just before I got divorced I told you about the unattainable in my life?”_

 

Kakashi wondered whatever happened with that, “You mean, the most likely very attainable but you just make excuses for yourself in your life?”

 

_“The very one.”_

 

“Ah, what about it?”

 

 _“I’ve decided to finally go for it.”_ A sound declaration on the younger man’s part.

 

“Oh, that’s wonderful to hear. You’re moving forward with yourself and doing something for you. I hope you do let me know how easy it was to get in a few weeks because honestly Sasuke, nothing should be so hard for you.”

 

_“I should hope so.”_

 

_______________________________________________________

 

“Brother Kakashi”

 

The silver head of hair paused for a moment before looking up at the man in the doorway, “Bishop Danzo, I was unaware you were visiting us today.”

 

He was dressed in gaudy robes and rings decorated his fingers. His cane thumped along the floor as he came to stand before the desk, “A bishop’s work is not advertised to the masses. I would hope you are always prepared to welcome those who are about the Lord’s work.”

 

“Of course, I have nothing but gratitude for your presence in my small neck of the woods.” That was a lie, he wanted nothing more than to kick the man out of the church.

 

Danzo was always straight to the point, “I have come unfortunately on rather serious news.”

 

“Oh?” Didn’t like the sound of that.

 

“There is a need for the gospel in Suna. A new parish is being constructed there and we need an experienced man to take on the challenge of establishing a new church.”

 

“I take it I’m not being asked.” Kakashi easily connected the dots. Just another pawn that could be easily moved and replaced for the sake of the church.

 

“Not in the slightest. Begin packing, you leave in two weeks. We will send in Father Yamato to take over the parish here. He is expected in tomorrow. Train him in what he needs to know before your time to leave.” The elder made his way back to the door not leaving any room for argument.

 

“I will also be leading your service this morning and notifying your congregation of the change to come.” Was the last thing Kakashi heard before the bishop disappeared from his sight.

 

His head dropped to the desk with a loud thud. Something out there really didn’t want him to just be happy. Before he may have accepted his orders and gone with it, followed through with his penance wherever it made him go. But now, his heart dropped to his stomach and something inside him didn’t want to leave. Something in him wanted him to stay, in Konoha, with his congregation, no congregation be damned he wanted to stay with the person he found that made him remember what it is to be authentic in life. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick SOS to the only person who would answer him at 8am. His phone rang a minute later.

 

 _“Do you utilize the distress message often? Or am I the first that gets the honor of coming to your rescue this early in the morning?”_ the voice mused over the line.

 

“Please tell me, by some miracle you have the notion of attending today's mass.” Sasuke didn’t really attend mass or confessionals anymore after they started interacting regularly and seeing each other throughout the week, just to talk.

 

_“I wasn’t planning on it but it sounds like maybe I should.”_

 

The priest sighed lightly, “I could use a familiar face in the crowd.”

 

_“Kakashi your congregation is full of regulars, they should all be familiar faces.”_

 

A valid point, “Let me rephrase that, I could use a supportive, honest, real friend in the crowd. I only have the one right now.”

 

 _“Ah. I'm afraid to ask but, what’s happening?”_ Curiosity was peaked.

 

“Come a little early. I’ll meet you in the confessional booth.” He couldn’t tell him over the phone.

 

_“Sure, I’ll be there.”_

_______________________________________________________  
  
  
**_V. Ab·so·lu·tion_**

 _Noun:_ **_absolution_ **

_1\. formal release from guilt, obligation, or punishment._

_2\. an ecclesiastical declaration of forgiveness of sins._

_3\. "the priest administered absolution"_

 

 “You’re what?” Sasuke heard loud and clear, he didn't need it to be repeated.

 

The priest humored him anyway, “Moving, apparently.”

 

“You can’t be serious.”

 

Kakashi just wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole, “Unfortunately Bishop Danzo doesn’t take no for an answer.”

 

Silence for a moment before the Uchiha growled out, “That’s bullshit and you know it.”

 

Of course he was mad, “Sasuke, I don't want to move but my hands are tied. This is my job.”

 

“There are things more important in life than a damn job Kakashi.”

 

He did have a point there.

 

“Won't you even try to fight it?” There was a rare tone of pleading in the man’s voice.

 

“I can try, but it’s not a fight I can win.”

 

“Well, I guess since your mind is already made up. You can keep living in your distress while your perfectly attainable goal slips by but you just keep making excuses.”

 

“Ouch.” Well played Uchiha.

 

“Oh speaking of, I guess now’s a better time than never since you’ve given up.” He heard the man harshly comment as he stood and walked over to face the priest behind the screen.

 

Kakashi glared up at the raven haired figure in front of him, still annoyed that Sasuke was pretty much right and within reason in his argument. He opened his mouth to tell him as much when suddenly he couldn't speak. In fact he couldn't move. He couldn't even think. His mind had been wiped blank, and frantically struggled to reboot. It was nice actually, really nice. His current problem forgotten and nothing but a rush of euphoria surged through him until his body began to recognize the weight pressed against him and the feel of hair tightly gripped in his hands. Oh, yep, that would cue all his blood to flow south and it took a good minute to get a hold of himself enough to stop kissing back and ask what was happening.

 

“Sasuke…wh-what are yo…”

 

“Not letting my chance at happiness slip by.” Dark eyes fixed him with all the certainty in the world.

 

“Huh?” He must not have heard that right.

 

“Idiot. My unattainable is you.”

 

That was a wake up call. “Wait, what? What exactly are you saying Sasuke?”

 

“You’re really bad at reading between the lines when you want to be.”

 

What. “Sasuke, there is no way a smart, successful, attractive young man like you wants to be with an old man like me.”

 

“Kakashi, listen to me. I have never connected so easily with someone before. My entire life is avoiding connections, being cold and distant. I want to be with someone who makes me want to be a better person. I want to be with someone who makes me happy. That person is you. I’ll let you decide what you want to do with that information but at least now I know I tried everything in my power to be happy.”

 

Sasuke stood up and left the room without another word.

 

_______________________________________________________

 

“We want to thank Father Kakashi Hatake for his service at Our Lady of Konoha Parish all these years. He will be embarking on a mission from God to spread the gospel to the lost souls of Suna in few weeks. Let us pray.”

 

Kakashi stared straight out into the crowd as people bowed their heads in prayer. All except one raven headed man that glared right back at him. Sasuke was right, he was damn right and he knew it but here the priest was accepting this order he didn't want to take. I didn’t matter if he followed his orders or not. The Uchiha had shattered his illusion, he could never go back to being content with his position no matter where he moved to. He was royally fucked.

 

The mass ended and people left, Kakashi sat in the first bench facing the altar he stood up at every Sunday for god knows how many years.

 

“What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”

 

The soft sigh barely left his lips as he scowled at the man hanging on the cross before him. He had given every bit of himself to a church that just thinks they can reassign him, no questions asked. Really he just felt like he was way too old to be dealing with stupid situations like this one. No fourty some year old man should be thinking about giving up his livelihood on the promise of love, but life must have found it funny to throw it at him anyway. He pulled out his phone and stared at the screen for about five minutes before just pocketing it again and leaving the sanctuary for some fresh air instead.

 

His feet pulled him to the busy afternoon streets and his mindless wandering brought him to a tiny coffee shop somewhere that must have been halfway across town. It wasn’t until he was sitting staring into the abyss of his americano did he realize someone was saying something to him.

 

“Father?”

 

He peered up at a bright pink head of hair looking concerned. “Sakura, what a nice surprise.”

 

She frowned for a moment, his voice might have not implied it was a nice surprise but he didn’t really care to apologize for that.

 

“Is everything ok, Father?”

 

She really did look like she was doing well, he caught a glimpse at the massive rock on her left hand. Very well indeed. “It seems that they have decided my teachings are needed elsewhere. I am just a little upset they gave me such a short notice is all. How have you been? You look well.”

“Oh, yes. I’m fine,” She waved absently as if it was obvious, “What do you mean needed elsewhere? Are you leaving Konoha?”

 

“Suna is in great need of a priest that can help establish their new church.”

 

“Suna? That’s a big change.”

 

“It is.” He couldn’t say much else.

 

“What about you? You don’t sound so happy about it.”

 

“Sometimes there are things out of our control. We must bend to the will of God.” Good old dogmatic teaching for when you’re shoved into a corner.

 

Her brow furrowed, like she found his choice of words distasteful, “What about Sasuke?”

 

God damn those mental brake checks. He unclenched his fist and steadied his breath. “What about Sasuke?”

 

She laughed, “I’ve known him since we were kids. I was also his wife for five years. You think I wouldn’t realize when he was finally smitten by someone? Never in my life have I seen him so free than when he was with you. Never have I seen him try so hard to make good decisions and become a better person until he started talking with you. It was the main reason why I finally let us go. Knowing he would be ok because he had you in some way.”

 

“You knew? I didn't even realize it until earlier today.”

 

“Woman’s intuition.” She shrugged, “So are you really going to leave then? Will leaving really make you happy?”

 

“I don’t want to go but I don’t know what else to do Sakura, they didn’t give me much of a choice.”

 

“Father, can I be honest with you?”

 

He stared at her. Why the hell not.

 

“If you really aren’t happy with your place in life right now why are you still suffering in it? Leave it and find something worth being happy for.”

 

Ah, yes. Life has a funny way of coming full circle. A year or so ago he was telling her just about the same bit of advice. He laughed at the paradox.

 

_______________________________________________________

 

He stared down at his phone, there was no reply yet. Just a single message sent by him two hours ago asking Sasuke if they could talk. The week had gone on and every moment the memory of lips on his haunted him. He found himself tracing the shape of the burning sensation that lingered since Sunday. It wouldn't do any good to deny it anymore, he felt the same way about Sasuke. He had from the very beginning.

 

The evening was sending the last bits of light through the colored stained glass windows in the church. This was his favorite time of day, locking up the church and watching the colors dance along the walls as he made his rounds. Bishop Danzo and Father Yamato scurried off at some point to the only other catholic church in the suburbs an hour away for a special honorary dinner. They wouldn’t be back until sometime tomorrow. It was fine, the silence of the sanctuary was not new to him. The quiet of the evening was already a tired old story he was used to.

 

He left a side door unlocked for him to leave through later and entered into the familiar confessional booth. This time he didn’t bother to assume the priests seat but directly plopped to his knees on the floor.

 

“Forgive me my Lord, for I have sinned.”

 

He didn’t care to confess to Danzo, it didn’t feel right. He didn’t want Danzo’s forgiveness anyway. Just him right now in this room, was good enough. It always had been.

 

“I am guilty of denying myself happiness for the sake of others. I am guilty of denying myself love because I think I don't deserve it.”

 

He let out a frustrated sigh, “Ok, enough with the formalities. Of all the fucking tests you have given me throughout my life this has to be the most annoyingly difficult one. You couldn’t have sent me a less handsome one at least? The fact that he is very attractive really just adds a whole new level of ridiculous to my problem here. Is it just that you like to see me squirm and panic? I know the answer to all this is easy but it’s not my fault you set up my childhood to suck so now I have issues following through with things that should be easy.”

 

This was basically why he didn’t confess to other priests. His confessions and prayers usually hung between sarcasm, complaints and curses.

 

“Do you really want me to just forsake all of this? What the fuck kind of grand plan do you have up your sleeve that involves me leaving my priesthood? Just hop out on decades worth of my godly dedicated service for an arrogant ridiculously attractive man that I think I might be in love with? Really? That's what you have for me?”

 

He grumbled a little bit more before biting the bullet and sucking it up.

 

“Fine. Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll be fucking happy since that seems to be so important to you.” He paused for a moment before finally adding in a softer voice, “Thank you for bringing him to me and giving me this chance to have something I missed out on in life. I really do appreciate it and I’ll try my best to make him happy too.”

 

“You know, you have a really strange way of praying?”

 

Kakashi didn't dare breathe. What the fuck.

 

“How long have you been there?” He fixed a hard scowl at the screen in front of him.

 

“About an hour, I snuck in before you locked all the doors and wondered what it was like to be in the priests seat during a confession. Let me tell you it’s weird as hell.” Sasuke taunted sticking his head to peer out at Kakashi still kneeling on the carpet.

 

The priest got up and solemnly stood before the imposter in his chair. “I’m afraid you’ve just committed one of the gravest errs known to the Catholic church.”

 

The Uchiha blinked for a moment unsure until Kakashi’s lip twitched giving away his bluff, “Oh? Then I guess it's my turn for a confession. I'm sorry father, but I've been a very naughty boy.”

 

“Looks like I'm going to have to put you in a corner.”

 

“But I haven't even told you my sins yet.”

 

“No need, you listened in on a priests time of confession. It's obvious you're in cahoots with Satan.”

 

Sasuke made a show of rolling his eyes in fake annoyance.

 

“Sounds like you won't be a priest for very much longer.” the younger man hesitated briefly before continuing, “Did you mean what you said? You've decided not to leave to Suna?”

 

“I did. I'm stepping down from my position and leaving the priesthood. I want to give us a chance.”

 

Kakashi didn't get much else said. He had an Uchiha shoving him into the wall and his mouth was now very much occupied. It had been an excruciatingly long time since he allowed himself this, let himself get lost in something so carnal and impulsive. He was sure the entirety of the Vatican would have a stroke if they found out about the desecration that was about to occur in the house of the Lord but they could all shove it. Kakashi didn't care. He had made his peace with God, protocol be damned.

 

He wasn't sure at what point the painful straining in his pants caught Sasuke's attention but he nearly began praying for his life when strong practiced hands explored the fabric covered length. A muted groan escaped and really that was all the signal that was needed for the other man to drop to his knees and fervently undo the priest fly. He shut his eyes, this was it. This was how he died. What a way to go.

 

One, two, three long seconds passed, there was only the feeling of a hand on his hip. That wasn't right. He looked down to find his cock proudly erect in the open, dripping between them. Dark eyes stared up at him patiently, seemingly waiting for something.

 

Oh, permission.

 

That was surprisingly sweet of someone so ambitious by default. Fingers found their way, tracing a defined jaw in contemplation before his hand cupped the pale cheek, stained crimson from arousal. His thumb lightly caressing Sasuke's face, feeling that rare smile reserved just for him take its place. It was enough for the raven headed man to continue.

 

Kakashi really expected nothing short of amazing but this had to have been the most profound and heavenly experience he had ever been blessed with in life. Sasuke was warm and wet and knew exactly what he was doing with that glorious mouth of his. He was surprised he lasted this long but Sasuke was just a little too exceptional for him to hold out any longer.

 

“I- I'm gonna…” Damn hard to breathe when you had someone practically sucking the life out of you.

 

He seemed to have understood because Sasuke's mouth was no longer devouring his balls. He needed a moment to collect himself, just a short breather. He'd make it through.

 

Sasuke had other plans.

 

“God, Sasuke! I can't! I'm…” what else was he going to say? He couldn't remember. His mind went blank the minute he felt his length get shoved deep into the Uchiha’s throat.

 

“I have to admit you lasted a lot longer than I originally expected for someone who's been celibate for years.”

 

He didn't have the strength to retort. The priest leaned against the wall watching the spit drip from the man's chin. Distracted by the way a cherry tongue swiped over swollen lips.

 

“You ok?”

 

Kakashi nodded, “You?”

 

“Hn. Looks like you're ready for round two.” Cheeky little shit.

 

Sure enough. There was his dick, beginning to return to attention. In all fairness Sasuke's tent in his pants was beginning to look uncomfortable for him. May as well continue, his turn to make someone cry out for god.

 

“I don't believe you finished your confession Mr. Uchiha. Shall we continue?”

 

That would be surprise on Sasuke's face. Yes. Good. Kakashi gently grasped a fistful of hair and paused waiting for a go ahead to continue. No point in ruining the mood if this was not the younger man's cup of tea.

 

“Yes, harder.” His words were firm and full of want.

 

Father Kakashi figured as much. Naughty confessional fantasy must have crossed Sasuke's mind at some point in his longing. Still he had to be sure.

 

“Now, why don't you tell me exactly how bad of a boy you've been?” The priest yanked on the dark locks pulling the man up to his feet.

 

Kakashi took his seat enjoying how dark eyes followed his every move. They watched excitedly, mischievously, with unwavering focus. He beckoned with his hand for Sasuke to approach, waiting for him to come within reach but not making any moves to actually touch him. Maybe Sasuke didn't want to be ordered around like this. It seriously had been too long since he last did this.

 

“I never took you for such a dominant in the confession booth, Father.” Sasuke must have sensed the hesitation.

 

Kakashi opened his legs a little wider, “You don't seem too put off by it.”

 

“No. Please keep going.”

 

He reached forward and dragged the younger man to him by his belt. “I believe I had asked you a question.”

 

Sasuke smirked and divulged into his mock confession, “Forgive me Father, I've been so bad. I touch myself at night thinking about what it would feel like to be fucked by you.” Not a single word faltered, the Uchiha was loving this too much.

 

“Is that all?” Kakashi made an effort to keep his expression indifferent.

 

“I dream about sucking you off most days but sometimes I think about being tied up by you and letting you have your way with me.”

 

Interesting. “I see. Is there anything else?”

 

Silence. Oh, there was something. Something Sasuke was unsure if he should share.

 

“Confess your sins Mr. Uchiha. Only naughty boys get punished properly.”

 

“I- I..” Dark eyes fixed onto the floor this time, obvious shame. “I… I fantasize about being spanked and calling you daddy.”

 

Kakashi lifted Sasuke's chin firmly, redirecting the man's focus back on him and offered him a slight smile, reassurance that he wasn't put off by that new fact. “Oh, that definitely deserves some penance.”

 

He had undone the black leather belt around Sasuke's waist. He held it in his hands for a moment before speaking again, “I think that will take a few spankings to be absolved.”

 

Dark brows raised briefly obviously not expecting that statement, “If only people knew kinky spankings were the key to absolution.”

 

“I could have you sit there and recite the entire gospel of John with me if you'd prefer.”

 

“I'll take the spankings.”

 

Snarky brat. “I thought so. Let me see your hands.”

 

“Yes, Father.”

 

A belt was too intimidating, Kakashi decided. He wasn't practiced enough with something like that. He slid the leather over Sasuke's wrists instead, tying them together in front of him and pulled down the cotton trousers just enough to expose pale ass cheeks.

 

“Over my knee.” Kakashi guided him into position.

 

Sasuke ‘s hard length pressed against Kakashi’s thigh, a subtle reminder that he probably shouldn't drag this out for too long. He ran his hand over the smooth skin, warming up the area he planned on striking repeatedly. It had been so long since he had touched another man this way, an eternity since he felt like he was no longer alone.

 

“You’ll get ten, I want you to count them out Sasuke.”

 

A muted groan was all he got in response as he squeezed the perfect curve that teased him.  He pulled his hand back, not too hard the first time but enough to give off a resounding smack.

 

“One”

 

The body beneath him tensed for a moment at the impact but quickly relaxed soon after. The second one had a bit more sting to it, leaving a blossoming red patch.

 

“Two”

 

No complaints from Sasuke.

 

“Harder”

 

Ah, there was the complaint.

 

Kakashi grabbed the Uchiha from his chin and pulled him to look up. “I think someone forgot what manners are.”

 

He was met with a signature Sasuke glare. Please and thank you’s were beneath him usually, Kakashi wanted to get it out of him anyway.

 

“Harder please, daddy.” Dark eyes challenged the elder man even though the words were submissive.

 

Well that was probably as close to a dry orgasm as Kakashi would have liked. Something so right about those words coming out of that mouth with those eyes locked on him.

 

“Three”

 

That one burned, and breath hitched.

 

“Four”

 

Splotches of red spattered against the once ivory skin.

 

“Five”

 

There was a groan that followed that one, and an impulsive thrust of the hips pressing harder into Kakashi’s thigh.

 

“Six”

 

The first strike onto the neglected cheek, such a satisfying sight accompanied by gasps and moans.

 

“Seven”

 

It was breathy and shaky and oh so beautiful.

 

“Eight”

 

A hoarse whisper.

 

“N-nine”

 

Who knew creamy skin could turn into the most glorious shade of scarlet.

 

“One more Sasuke,” Kakashi carefully watched for a response.

 

An eager nod followed by the final resounding slapping of skin.

 

“Ten”

 

Heavy breathing filled the space for a moment until the elder man helped the Uchiha to stand.

 

“Let’s get your pants off.” Kakashi pulled down the rest of the fabric so Sasuke could step out of them and climb up onto his lap.

 

Hands still tied, looped around the priest's head and mouths found each other all too easily. Messy and desperate and everything Kakashi never knew he needed in life. Their cocks ground together, gaining friction in the small, almost non existent space between them. A hand easily wrapped itself around both lengths as much as possible and assisted in their rutting, building up the friction, working themselves to completion.

 

They stayed in the booth a while longer, just exploring each others mouths. Finding comfort in each other. Only one soft whisper breaking through at some point. Sasuke’s voice barely heard.

 

“I love you.”

 

_______________________________________________________

 

“Ah, Kakashi. Perfect timing, I want to go over the budget of the new church in Su-... Why are you in those clothes?”

 

Kakashi ignored Danzo and simply handed him an envelope. He turned to Father Yamato handing him a bag with they keys to the building and his notebooks filled with all the information he would need for the church.

 

“It’s a good parish, and the people are a little dense but they mean well. I leave them in your hands.” He grabbed new priests free hand and shook it.

 

Danzo looked up from the letter and stared wildly at the man before him.

 

“You can’t just leave like this!”

 

“I can and I am. Have a problem with it, take it up with the Pope.” Kakashi simply shrugged and left his office for the last time. It was really that easy.

 

Walking out of the sanctuary was a bit harder than imagined however. He spent almost twenty years here. He would miss the smell of the burning incense, the scattered colors of the glass on the floor, even the musty carpet of the old confessionals. The stain on the wall where someone spilled the communion wine, the faces in the pews that watched him every Sunday.  He paused at the small alcove, just before the statue of the holy mother and lit a candle.

 

Perhaps he was being rash. Probably out of his mind, a fool in the grand scheme of things. He smiled to himself. Years ago he convinced himself he was not worthy of being loved, so he shut his heart out as God took away all the people in his life who ever loved him. Years later he finally managed to learn, loving someone else was worth all the risks he would ever take. Years later he finally understood he was always worthy of love, he just needed someone to come along and remind him of it.

 

The heavy wood doors shut behind him as he walked down the steps, never looking back to what had been.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a hard time ending this tbh. Also smut is not my strong point. Concrit is welcome just don't yell at ya girl.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed!


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